SELF-WORTH

Self-worth is one of those buzzwords we often encounter in inspirational speeches and magazine articles that promise, “Know your self-worth and the world will lay at your feet.” Truly knowing your worth is positive and absolutely essential if you want to lead a stable, serene life. But how can you know it if you were never taught?
​Many of us feel that we are not good enough, either because no one ever told us we are, or because we never learned how to feel good enough. Our sense of self-worth is often conditioned by external factors, dependent on what others think of us. This is problematic because it leads us to constantly strive to please everyone but ourselves, living lives that are misaligned with our true selves.
Self-worth is usually cultivated in our primary family during childhood. If our parents—mothers especially—never showed us that we matter, that we are worthy of love, attention, and protection, it can be difficult to believe in ourselves and recognize our own importance.
We don’t gain a sense of self-worth simply by deciding we are worthy. Yes, that is a necessary first step, but it isn’t sufficient on its own. Accepting our value at a cognitive level doesn’t guarantee that we will feel it emotionally, where it truly matters.
So what does it mean to know your self-worth? First, you need to feel it deep in your gut—that you are good enough as a person, that you are worthy of love and respect. Self-worth is tied to the essence of who you are. When you truly feel it, you are not swayed by others’ opinions. You don’t compromise at your own expense. You know how to set boundaries and stick to them. You know who you are, what you want, and what is acceptable to you. You don’t yield under pressure to please others when your values and beliefs are at stake.
Feeling worthy is not the same as being haughty, arrogant, conceited, or condescending. When you know your self-worth, such defensive behavior is no longer necessary. You can insist on “my way or the highway” on matters that truly matter to you, and walk away with your head held high, regardless of what others think. You’re proud of yourself and confident in your decisions. You don’t question yourself, and you don’t regret the choices you’ve made. Once you achieve that, you are practically invincible.