 Could jealousy be beneficial in a relationship? Is it true that you're not really in love if you never feel jealous? Is it possible for jealousy to have a positive impact on your relationship or is it nothing but a destructive factor? Is jealousy an expression of your own insecurity or is it an expression of your mistrust of your partner? Are jealousy and envy one and the same?
Envy usually crops up on you when you notice that someone else has something that you desire. Jealousy rears its head when you experience fear of losing something or someone close to your heart. It's completely natural to experience jealousy every now and then. Very few people have such a high level of self-confidence to never even think about a possibility of their partner cheating on them or leaving them. Perhaps they don't even care about it. Most people, though, feel jealous at least on occasion. In particular when they see their partner paying too much attention to another person. They often start questioning themselves, wondering what's wrong with them. If they don't manage to resolve this internal conflict by themselves or by talking to their partner, then jealousy starts to grow bigger and stronger. All of a sudden, they can't sleep at night, feel anxious, experience stomachache and the like. They are overwhelmed with negative emotions such as irritation, fear, anger, indignation, helplessness, humiliation, panic, doubt, shame. These emotions find their outlet in their behaviour towards the partner. They become cynical, verbally aggressive, possessive, resentful, blaming. Self-doubt creeps in, followed by self-pity, suspiciousness, dark thoughts, desire for revenge. That kind of jealousy in no way contributes to a positive atmosphere in a relationship. Quite the contrary. It pushes the partner further away, perhaps to the point of landing them in another person's embrace. Jealousy can certainly be justified if your partner is behaving in an inappropriate way. If your partner has already been unfaithful, if they don't care about your relationship, if they find time for everyone else but you, then you're justifiably upset. Unfortunately, women tend to have jealous acting-outs when that is not in the least appropriate. For example, when your partner casts an admiring glance at a beautiful woman or when they talk excitedly about their ex or when they say that they occasionally fantasize about a movie actor or when they engage in an intimate conversation with your common friend. These are but a few situations when your jealousy can cause more damage than good. When then can jealousy be beneficial? Whenever it prompts you to invest more into yourself and your relationship. Whenever it reminds you of all the positive experiences you've had with your partner and motivates you to engage in many more. Whenever it helps you maintain a level of thrill and excitement in your relationship. Whenever it reminds you to not take your partner for granted and to appreciate them more. Before you start expressing your jealousy in an unhealthy way, check with yourself where the jealousy is coming from. Perhaps it has nothing to do with your partners behaviour. If, however, you believe that your jealousy is merited, have an honest conversation with your partner about it. If at all possible, without pre-emptive accusations.
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 Admittedly, I indulged some of my colleagues and tried the keto diet. I will not go into detail about the keto diet, also because I haven't studied everything thoroughly and it's quite scientific. Suffice it to say that once you limit your carbs intake, your body will run out of glucose and start burning fat and produce ketones from the liver. When the level of ketones in your blood reaches a certain threshold, you enter ketosis - a state in which your body is using ketones as fuel. This is then supposed to lead to a rapid and consistent weight loss, until your body weight stabilizes at some point. So much about the process.
Why did I decide to try it despite my better judgment? For one very simple reason - the keto diet is supposedly effective in fighting brain disease and neurological disorders. Hm, quite a bold statement claiming that a diet can cure schizophrenia, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, bipolar disorder, multiple sclerosis and many more disorders or diseases, including some of the more common ones like depression, anxiety, and insomnia. I've purchased a book and followed a plan by one of the gurus (I hate that word) after I had read another book on ketogenic diet by one of the leading professors from Harvard, whom I trust much more than the doctor of natural medicine. And the Harvard guy at least wasn't promising miracles and highlighted that the study of ketogenic diet on mental health is still in its early days. Not that I have anything against alternative treatments, quite the contrary. Honestly, significantly limiting carbs, sugar and dairy wasn't pleasant. But given that I was doing the 40-day alcohol free routine as well, I thought limiting certain food wouldn't be such a sacrifice. Also, if you were eating unhealthily all your life, then significantly limiting food and changing your diet completely must have some kind of an impact, at least short term. As a therapist, I was most interested in the impact on mental health. But I can't be the judge of it because I don't have any mental health issues, or other health issues, for that matter. So, I thought well, let's see if the diet manages to accomplish some minor cosmetic changes - such as wrinkles, squeaky joints, dull hair, thigh and belly fat. Believe it or not, there is even a collagen boost diet plan available so I should see some changes in skin and joints at the very least. Sadly, the diet had zero positive impact on me. Not a single thing improved. Quite the contrary. I felt heavy, lethargic and without energy. My metabolism slowed down. My skin broke out. I also felt incredibly hungry all the time, and I didn't starve myself. Calorie wise, I ate twice my normal caloric intake. Because I was hungry, I was often irritable. I didn't notice any impact on my brain - my mind wasn't any clearer, and my concentration didn't improve. Mind you, I'm a healthy person so I wasn't expecting miracles. But to not see a single positive sign of keto was disappointing to me. Especially since everyone on keto was singing praise to it. Truth be told, when I spoke to people about what happened when they got off keto, everyone said that they gained more weight back than they had lost. The conclusion I came to is that a balanced Mediterranean diet combined with ayurvedic principles is the best one. No diet of mine can be strict as I love chocolate and wine, and I'm not willing to give up on the little delicacies of life. Therefore, listen to your body. It knows best what you need. Stay away from drastic diets and avoid processed food as much as possible. Do sports regularly, meditate or do yoga for inner balance, find joy in food and sharing delicious meals with your friends and family. |
Katarina's Principle:“If we want to change the world, we need to talk about the elephant in the room. That is why I love real people who say what they mean and mean what they say. No fluff, no lies and no pretence.”
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