Could jealousy be beneficial in a relationship? Is it true that you're not really in love if you never feel jealous? Is it possible for jealousy to have a positive impact on your relationship or is it nothing but a destructive factor? Is jealousy an expression of your own insecurity or is it an expression of your mistrust of your partner? Are jealousy and envy one and the same?
Envy usually crops up on you when you notice that someone else has something that you desire. Jealousy rears its head when you experience fear of losing something or someone close to your heart. It's completely natural to experience jealousy every now and then. Very few people have such a high level of self-confidence to never even think about a possibility of their partner cheating on them or leaving them. Perhaps they don't even care about it. Most people, though, feel jealous at least on occasion. In particular when they see their partner paying too much attention to another person. They often start questioning themselves, wondering what's wrong with them. If they don't manage to resolve this internal conflict by themselves or by talking to their partner, then jealousy starts to grow bigger and stronger. All of a sudden, they can't sleep at night, feel anxious, experience stomachache and the like. They are overwhelmed with negative emotions such as irritation, fear, anger, indignation, helplessness, humiliation, panic, doubt, shame. These emotions find their outlet in their behaviour towards the partner. They become cynical, verbally aggressive, possessive, resentful, blaming. Self-doubt creeps in, followed by self-pity, suspiciousness, dark thoughts, desire for revenge. That kind of jealousy in no way contributes to a positive atmosphere in a relationship. Quite the contrary. It pushes the partner further away, perhaps to the point of landing them in another person's embrace. Jealousy can certainly be justified if your partner is behaving in an inappropriate way. If your partner has already been unfaithful, if they don't care about your relationship, if they find time for everyone else but you, then you're justifiably upset. Unfortunately, women tend to have jealous acting-outs when that is not in the least appropriate. For example, when your partner casts an admiring glance at a beautiful woman or when they talk excitedly about their ex or when they say that they occasionally fantasize about a movie actor or when they engage in an intimate conversation with your common friend. These are but a few situations when your jealousy can cause more damage than good. When then can jealousy be beneficial? Whenever it prompts you to invest more into yourself and your relationship. Whenever it reminds you of all the positive experiences you've had with your partner and motivates you to engage in many more. Whenever it helps you maintain a level of thrill and excitement in your relationship. Whenever it reminds you to not take your partner for granted and to appreciate them more. Before you start expressing your jealousy in an unhealthy way, check with yourself where the jealousy is coming from. Perhaps it has nothing to do with your partners behaviour. If, however, you believe that your jealousy is merited, have an honest conversation with your partner about it. If at all possible, without pre-emptive accusations.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Katarina's Principle:“If we want to change the world, we need to talk about the elephant in the room. That is why I love real people who say what they mean and mean what they say. No fluff, no lies and no pretence.”
Archives
March 2024
Categories |