Whenever we are on a first date, we usually worry way too much about how we are dressed, what we say, how we behave and the like. Quite frequently, we are not anything like our normal self, as we are trying to make a really good impression on the subject of our affection. In fact, we try so hard that we end up looking a bit goofy and silly at best. So who has the time to scan the person sitting across the table for potential signs that he is a narcissist, right?
Well, luckily, it is really not that difficult to spot a narcissist in any social setting, and even less so if we are on a date with him. The first likely sign that you are going out with a narcissist is that he chooses the most expensive and trendy restaurant in the city, even if the food there is not necessarily the best. What matters is that your are dining in the most expensive place in town. Second sign: he will probably pick you up in his very expensive car, which will be extremely clean, so you will potentially be asked to dust off your shoes before getting in the car. Sign number three: he will be better dressed than you are. Narcissists look like they just got off a photo shoot for a glam magazine, especially if they are on a mission to impress you. Sign number four: he will behave like a true gentleman from the moment he rings at your door to the moment you sit at the table. He will open the door for you, take your coat, gallantly walk behind you as he leads you to your table, his hand resting on your lower back. Sign number five: he will make sure you make an entrance when you walk in the restaurant because he wants all his friends and colleagues – who will undoubtedly be dining there, at least some of them – to see you, the trophy date he is taking to dinner. Sign number six: he will choose your food and wine. When he will engage in a conversation with the waiter, you will have the impression that he really knows what he is talking about as he explains just how the steak should be done and why that particular vintage is much better than the other one for the wine he selected. Sign number seven: he will be charming, expressing interest in you, seductive, flirting and making you feel special. Even so, if we move on to sign number eight: he will dominate the conversation. Even when he asks you to say something about yourself, he will steer the conversation back to him. The whole evening will be about him. Sign number nine: you will go home feeling on cloud nine as you believe you have spent the most magnificent evening of your life. Sign number ten: when you wake up the following day, you’re already yearning for him. You’re hooked.
Not every narcissist is the same, some are more toxic than others. However, the first ideal date we had with him is no indication that the honeymoon will last. Sadly, the contrary happens more often than not. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is hard work and if you think that the prince charming from your first date will be making a regular appearance, you are unfortunately mistaken. Unless you make some changes about yourself and about your expectations of him, you will be regularly disappointed.
“If we want to change the world, we need to talk about the elephant in the room. That is why I love real people who say what they mean and mean what they say. No fluff, no lies and no pretence.”