wherever you go, there you are

The title might sound a bit ridiculous because where else are you supposed to be than where you went. Yet this saying also reveals one of the fundamental philosophical truths of life, for lack of a better word. A truth so basic and simple that we tend to forget about it. So, what exactly does this concept have to do with therapy? Well, believe it or not - it represents one of the basic lessons in therapy, and in life.
One of the main purposes of therapy is to help clients deal with their problems, find solutions and introduce change in how they think, react or behave. Most often, these problems arise in interpersonal relationships, be them romantic, friendly, family, neighborly or work. Sometimes, problems appear because of the intrasubjective experiences, which is just a fancy word to describe the relationship we have with ourselves. To be more specific - you have to make peace with who you are, with the stupidities you did in the past, with all your baggage. You need to learn to love yourself.
In therapy, we focus on changing what we call maladaptive patterns of cognition, emotion and behavior. Often, when we succeed in modifying these patterns, clients' relationships change as well. However, it happens that no matter how much work we put into personal growth or how many dysfunctional patterns we let go of, the same problems persist, albeit to a lesser degree. The first obvious solution in that case, though not necessarily the easiest one, is to end relationships, change jobs and move house. Kind of a radical solution, true, but effective. Sadly, not always. How could it be?
Well, a change of scenery can bring about immediate change, at least in the short run. Whenever we move, change jobs or relationships, we hold back a little at the beginning. We don't usually let our personality shine in all of its light and dark facets. We're more cautious in expressing what we think and want. Once we settle into our new life, though, old patterns tend to emerge. Hence, wherever you go, there you are. Unresolved and partially resolved issues, or those that have been just glossed over for cosmetic reasons, will come back to haunt us. People and situations will appear in our lives, and they will be triggering. We will start acting in a similar, if not exactly the same manner, as in the past. Some of it will have to do with unresolved issues with specific persons, which means we'll be experiencing a transference in our new relationships. Some of it will have to do with our own maladaptive behaviors. That's why it's really important that in therapy we go deep and introduce profound changes. Change has to be felt and owned, or else it remains something purely superficial.
Wherever you go, there you are, with all your positive and negative traits. Wherever you go, your personality follows. Therefore, if you notice that you're facing the same kind of problems wherever you go, it's perhaps time to go back to therapy.