Still single? Are you blaming it on your high standards?

Many people who come to therapy ask me if they should lower their standards when it comes to finding the right partner. This applies to women in particular. If a man is single after a certain age, he is still considered an eligible bachelor. If a woman in her 30s or 40s is single, she's considered weird. There must be something wrong with her, right?
Wrong! Many women are single because they have learned from previous experience and are no longer willing to tolerate just about anyone in their life. Nor are they willing to endure with clenched teeth or on the verge of tears the many annoying things their partners bring into the relationship. It's ok for women to become a bit more demanding when it comes to choosing an intimate partner. If society hadn't put so much pressure on women and burdened them with a myriad of expectations, most single women wouldn't even be considering lowering the bar. However, thanks to other people's judgments, many do start to question themselves and their choices. Hence the question, "Should I lower my standards?"
There is no one-size-fits-all reply to it. Each woman should consider for herself what really matters for her in a relationship. Which are the qualities she seeks in a partner? Which are the values that must be shared? Does her partner's life plan need to align with hers? What is non-negotiable in a relationship? Those are the issues where standards shouldn't be lowered. Surely, there are areas where concessions and compromises are possible, though they aren't necessarily obligatory. Listen to your heart and mind and go along with what they're telling you. Trust your instincts.
If you feel pressured by society to no longer be single, then by all means don't lower your standards, raise them! If you think that you might be a bit rigid in some areas, try to soften your approach. If you're considering just caving in because you don't want to be alone, ask yourself what other solutions are possible. A friend with benefits, an exclusive lover who lives in his own apartment, just a friend to keep you company, other options?
Being single isn't always easy but it certainly beats being in an unhappy relationship. Sure, it's nice to be in a relationship, yet you can have a wonderful life being single as well. You've got but one life, make the most of it.