Still single? Are you blaming it on your high standards?

Many people who come to therapy ask whether they should lower their standards when it comes to finding the right partner. This question often arises for women in particular. If a man is single after a certain age, he’s still seen as an eligible bachelor. But if a woman in her 30s or 40s is single, society often labels her as “weird” or assumes something is wrong with her.
​The truth is: nothing is wrong. Many women are single because they’ve learned from past experiences and are no longer willing to tolerate just anyone in their life. They aren’t willing to endure, silently or with tears, the small but persistent frustrations that some partners bring into a relationship. It’s perfectly fine—and even healthy—for women to become a bit more demanding when choosing an intimate partner.
Unfortunately, societal pressure and other people’s judgments often make women question themselves and their choices. This is when the question arises: “Should I lower my standards?”
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Every woman needs to consider what truly matters in a relationship for her. What qualities does she seek in a partner? Which values must be shared? Does her life plan need to align with her partner’s? What are the non-negotiables in a relationship? These are areas where standards shouldn’t be lowered. Of course, some compromises are possible in other areas, though they aren’t obligatory. Listen to your heart and mind, and trust your instincts.
If you feel societal pressure to stop being single, don’t lower your standards--raise them. If you feel that you might be a bit rigid in some areas, soften your approach. And if you’re tempted to settle just to avoid being alone, consider other solutions: a friend with benefits, an exclusive partner who lives separately, or just a supportive friend.
Being single isn’t always easy, but it’s far better than being in an unhappy relationship. Life in a fulfilling partnership is wonderful, yet a rich and meaningful life is also possible while being single. Remember, you have only one life—make the most of it, and don’t settle for less than what truly brings you happiness, respect, and fulfillment.